Thursday, March 8, 2012

Heart to Heart

Alright Sweet P-

Mommy needs to have a little heart to heart with you right now, a pep talk if you will. You have about a week and a half to go before your early arrival is expected. Do you hear me? Only a week and a half. I know you are only a baby, but I'm hoping by putting these words down, maybe your brother can somehow communicate with you as to why it's important for these last days to go by as smoothly as possible.

Mommy's doctor wants to be extra careful that you look good and after I was put in the hospital last week for extended monitoring, and released, she's having me come back daily to check on you. You are probably well aware of this, as you get poked, prodded and hooked up to monitors every day now. When you don't pass your tests in the office, it makes mommy's heart hurt. I was sent to the hospital 6 days in a row because of something not looking perfect with you. You gave me a day off yesterday though and I greatly appreciate that. But we were right back at the hospital today for much longer monitoring. This reminds mommy so much of all your daddy and I went through with your brother and I really can't describe how I feel any better than to say that I worry, and my heart literally sinks into the pit of my stomach every time I get sent over there. I want you here so badly, alive, screaming, healthy. But you need a little bit more time to develop.

They gave you your first dose of steroids today to help develop your lungs. You get your second dose tomorrow. These worked really well with your brother and I am hoping they work just as well with you. We want you as healthy as possible when you arrive, and like I said, you get to arrive early. So, do you think we can make a deal? Do you think that if you can behave a little while longer in there, I'll let you slide on a couple of things (of my choosing) when you are a teenager? We need for you to be OK, we need for you to continue to live and we need you here with us in our home and family. We love you very much. Please hang in there sweet girl.

Love,

Mommy

2 comments:

  1. oh hang in there mama, this broke my heart to read. I was so so so worried everytime with Sadie but I was able to get her here safely and she is now at 17.5 very active little girl! <3 You can do this mama! You have an angel above watching over

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    1. So glad to hear that Jill! It's so nerve wracking!!! I know what it's like to be at the end and come home empty handed. Having a hard time with that right now, which I'm told is "normal".

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