Saturday, May 12, 2012

Adjusting to life after arrival

Our not so little Piper will be 8 weeks old on Monday!  She weighed 10lbs and 3oz last week at the doctor, and I'm pretty sure she's close to 11 pounds now.  I can not believe how unbelievably fast time has flown!  It's unreal!  I only have a couple of days left to be off of work before I get back to the "grind".  It's really  not so much of a grind, because I really enjoy what I do and I only work 16 hours a week.  I will miss my days home where it's only Piper and I though.  It's been kind of hectic with both girls home.

There have been a lot of illnesses floating around through our home and our baby's immune system has gotten a ridiculous workout in her first 7.5 weeks.  I guess that's what you get with a big sister who's exposed to all kinds of cooties at pre-school.  First it was, what I thought, a simple case of the sniffles.  I wanted to get it checked out so I took her to the doctor.  She was only three weeks old at the time.  Our pediatrician is awesome and knows what we've been through. She did a total work up on Piper.  Her nose was swabbed to check for the flu, a chest x-ray was done to check for pneumonia, they checked her temp, her oxygen saturation, etc.  I thought, it's got to be just a cold.  Lilli had chest cold the week prior to Piper getting a runny nose.  Then the nose swab came back positive for Influenza A.  I was shocked.  What did this mean?  I know how crappy I feel when I get the flu.  Plus, she's so little!  Not even a month old yet.  The pediatrician ordered us straight over to the hospital. After a full 24 hours of in-patient monitoring we were discharged.  That was scary for me!

The next week Piper was completely congested so back to the doctor we went.  She had a sinus AND ear infection.  Wow, can this kid catch a break?  She was put on her first antibiotic.  Lilli was still coughing and congested too, but her ears looked really good at the doctor so no medicine was ordered for her.  Piper finally seemed to be on the mend, and so did Lilli, but now mommy had the cooties.  A few days later Lilli was coughing and congested again, and so was Piper.  Back to the doctor they went.  This time, Piper's oxygen saturation was much lower due to how congested she was.  An antibiotic was ordered for both girls.  We are just about through with those meds now and both girls seem to be doing great.

I have so many people asking me if Piper is sleeping through the night and all I can do is laugh.  Mainly because  NO, she's totally not sleeping through the night, and also because she isn't quite two months old yet.  I know it happens to some lucky parents out there, where they have a baby sleeping through the night at barely two months old.  But not in this household.  Lilli didn't sleep through the night until a year old.  We just got used to it.  The feeling of walking around like zombies became our norm.  We are hopeful that doesn't become the case this time around, but I know (eventually) there is light at the end of this tunnel and she will be sleeping through the night.  I just can't predict when that will be.  I don't even try to think about it.  It will happen when it happens.

When I was in labor, I was told that we (Dave and I) would have some adjustment periods, sadness, depression, etc. hit us at some point because of Everett not being here.  I have been worried about when that might hit me and how it might hit me.  I put some precautions in place for myself in anticipation of that happening.  I met with an amazing aromatherapist at the hospital where I gave birth and she "prescribed" a couple of different blends for me to help me through any rough patches, and some aromas that also help with grief issues.  I also continue my grief work with an amazing therapist I started seeing soon after Everett died. She helped carry me through my intense grief, our fertility issues, my pregnancy with Piper, and my post postpartum period.  That woman is amazing!  So far, I have not had anything out of the ordinary "hit" me pertaining to Everett.  I'm not sure if it will later on down the road, or if it's that I've worked my butt off ahead of time to get where I am.

I do not find myself looking at Piper and thinking about what might have been with Everett.  I feel at peace with where Everett is and how he fits into our lives at this point.  Of course we miss him like crazy and wish we were the ones taking care of him, but that's not how it worked out in our life.  I look at Piper as her own person, a person who is here because of our love for each other, our children and our family.  She is an amazing gift, and blessing.  We cherish her, and Lilli.  I don't feel sad when looking at her or spending time with her, I don't look at her milestones and think about what they would have been like with Everett, I've already walked that road before she got here.

When we lost Everett, we knew immediately what we were and would be missing with him.  We knew because we already had an amazing child we got to experience those things with.  I still know what we are missing.  I just try not to dwell on it because I might go crazy.  I remember driving past a soccer field with Dave, not long after Everett died, and crying hysterically thinking about how we'd never get to experience that with him. I've had a lot of those moments, and processed through them.

We are in heavy planning mode right now for Run 4 Everett.  It's in just 3.5 months!  That will be here very soon.  Sponsors were extremely difficult to obtain this year.  I've been hearing that's been the case across the board for everyone.  We are so grateful to those sponsors who did donate to our cause this year!  We are still trying to secure a few more before brochures, flyers, etc. get printed.  Dave has been working hard to lay out a problem free race course and I think his hard work will pay off.  We already have quite a few folks signed up for the event and are hoping for a whole lot more!

These blog posts are getting fewer and farther between due to lack of time and well, the fact that it's taken me three days to complete this one!  Until next time...

Steph