Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Bitter Sweet

Yesterday was warm and beautiful outside. To enjoy 70 degree breezes in March is slightly unusual here. Spring seems to be budding out everywhere I turn. With the turn of seasons comes some flood of feelings at unexpected times.

Last year, in July, Dave worked tirelessly to get our fence up around our yard, tried to finish our deck extension, and put down lord knows how many bags of mulch in the back yard landscaping to perfect things when Everett would be home (and make it easier for me to contain the kids in the yard this year). The plan was I would quit my job when Everett arrived and stay home full time with both kids. With the amount of money I was making it made no sense to pay for two children full time in daycare! All the problems continued with the pregnancy, and I ended up quitting my job when I was placed on full time bed rest at the end of July. Lilli spent a lot of time outside last summer in her "baby" swing and Dave and I would talk about how she'd be in a "big girl" swing this year with Everett hanging out in the baby swing next to her this spring and summer. As you know, that was not able to happen.

Dave put Lilli's "big girl" swing up last week and while we were enjoying the 70 degree breezes last evening and listening to Lilli's squeals and giggles from the swing as the was pushed higher and higher, I couldn't help but look over at the empty spot. The spot where Everett was supposed to be sitting and swinging next to her. I had tears coming down my face before I knew it. I guess feelings like this will be happening from time to time, especially with the change of seasons and we see first hand all the things Everett continues to miss with us. And this may sound weird, but I couldn't help but feel his presence among us last evening, especially next to his big sister as she swung higher towards the sky. The feeling was truly bitter sweet.

~Steph

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