As Christmas came closer and closer, so did the tears over missing our Everett. This would have been his first Christmas and he would have been four and a half months old, doing so many new things.
We went to our Church's Christmas Eve service Friday afternoon, the children's one. It was nice and I am glad we did not go to the candle light service we usually attend as I could barely handle the children's one. I think I cried throughout 2/3 of the service. Lilli liked listening to the music and trying to sing along to Christmas songs. Then we headed out to the cemetery to bring Everett his Christmas stocking and toys. Nanny and Deda (Dave's parents) had left a beautiful ornament for him and a Christmas flag. Dave made a stake to put in the ground below the wall Everett is in and we hung his stocking up on that. Nana and Papa (my parents) sent a little car for him to have and Lilli placed that out for him. Lilli protested at first and wanted to take the car back with her stating Everett didn't need it. It's hard to explain to a three year old that it's more of a symbol of others remembering him at Christmas time. We made sure to let her know that we would come back and bring it home and she could play with it then. She does a really good job taking care of Everett's other items, like his baby blankets and puppy dog we had gotten for him before he was born. I know she will take extra special care of his car too.
Dave's parents came over after we left the cemetery for dinner and gift exchanging. It was nice to visit with them and see Lilli's excitement over opening her new baby doll, Lulu. Christmas Eve night felt different this year. I didn't feel excited with anticipation for Christmas morning, like I usually do and I didn't sleep particularly well, neither did Dave. Morning came soon enough and I actually had to wake Lilli up to get things going. She carefully opened each present, taking a half hour to get the packages open. I'm guessing she will work on her speed next year! We spent the day doing absolutely nothing. Just playing with new toys, watching movies and we all took a nap.
Now just New Years to get through and hopefully a good start into 2011.